What Kind Of Asian Are You-

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What Kind Of Asian Are You?



Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are

the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple

groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and

many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never

part of another group are the Twinkies and the

Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see

your Asian friend, greet them with "Wassup Fob!" And

if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say

"Fob please!" Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a

Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha... The

categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read,

recognize and laugh.



Twinkie

- Besides your nationality, there is little to

distinguish you from white people

- Your significant other is not Asian and never has

been

- You have few Asian friends, if any

- You are embarrassed at family events because you

cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch

to English to communicate with you

- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on

this list even exist

- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what

Sanrio is

- You are the only Asian on this list that does not

know what Bubble Tea is

- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if

you drive a Honda, it is stock



Asian-American

- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think

you're whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a

foreigner. You fit in nowhere

- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually

had any

- You are confused about your cultural identity and

express this frustration through spoken word

performances at your college

- You read A. magazine and think it's great

- You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or

Kangta are

- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below



Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)

- You were not born in America

- You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta

are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or

Las Vegas recently

- You speak your native language fluently and so do

all your friends

- You do not have any non-Asian friends

- Your parents do not speak any English

- When you speak English,纽约华人, you like to make everything

plural

- You get extremely good grades in school

- You cannot dance

- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country

you're from and you incorporate nothing from American

fashion into your wardrobe



SuperFob

- Your command of the English language is minimal and

you don't care

- You like dim sum chicken feet

- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD

that isn't bootlegged

- Your only hangout is Chinatown

- All the lights in your house are fluorescent

- You dry your cloths outside your window

- You need a haircut

- You either smell like cigarettes or food



Fobabee

- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has

recently "awoken"

- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys

- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college

- You are trying to learn as much as possible about

your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to

be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ;

Thousand year old egg)

- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous



Gangsta Fob

- You have shot another Asian

- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall

- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob

and an urban black kid

- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you

because you'll shoot them

- You have a serious gambling problem

- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are

never painted to match the rest of your car

- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because

you'll shoot them

- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get

Hoochie Tabs



Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)

- You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club

Monaco

- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white

to "mix it up"

- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs

- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in

your life

- Platform heels are your favorite

- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear

completely flawless

- You do not smile in public

- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and

you know it

- You smoke

- Your cell phone is completely customized

- On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker

pic of you and your man

- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item

- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a

nice car

- You are often seen with Rice-boys

- You never travel alone. You are either in the

company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend



Hoochie Tab

- You are an import car model

- Your boobs are not real

- There are naked pictures of you floating around on

the internet somewhere

- Stiletto heels are your favorite

- Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu

- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob

- You cheat on your boyfriend

- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school



Rice-Boy

- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura

- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or

Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it's original

stock form

- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit

in

- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by

Boeing

- The interior of your car also looks like it was

designed by Boeing

- You always drive like you are racing someone

- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are

afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps

- The only other person besides yourself who can sit

in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone

else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be

touching the ground

- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and

is worth more than a Lotus Esprit

- If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If

you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which

you can never have). Poor Rice-boy.



Fobulous

- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your

native language

- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends

- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music

- You are equally aware of both popular American

culture and Asian pop culture

- You are a good dancer

- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock

the opposite sex of any other race

- You are a good designer and have superior Html

skills

- You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest

books in both are packed

- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being

- You have lots of Asian pride



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Let us follow our destiny,

ebb and flow.

Whatever may happen,

we master fortune by accepting it.



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