A little humor for the newbs...

20 minutes after quitting. You begin looking for loopholes in your quit commitment, thinking about postponing the whole arrangement until after the next millennium begins. After 8 hours. You have already contemplated at least three murders and several other brutal acts of violence. After 24 Hours. Your city or town declares a mysterious and unforeseen water shortage, while municipal sewers are suddenly overwhelmed. After 1 week. You have consumed enough calories to sustain a Bengali village of 2000 for four years. Food shortages become critical within your region; pets and local wild animals become nervous. After 2 weeks. Quitzits establish early outposts on your face. Risk of Browser's Butt Syndrome (BBS) rises to equal that for 13-year-old boys with new computers and Internet access. Smileys appear in your writing and begin to replicate Within 1 month. You have already begun to pester smokers and complain about the smell of their obnoxious cigarettes; IQ returns to low double-digits; Quitzits begin to function autonomously. Exclamation point shortages prevail across the land. After 6 weeks You may have experienced your first bowel movement since your quit began; if not, be patient,stop smoking, it will happen within a few more weeks. After 2 months. You begin to forget the pain and misery of the first week without cigarettes, and are wondering if you could, perhaps, remind yourself of what you've been missing; Quitzits establish territorial treaties with each other. After 5 months. Intelligence returns to at least 60% of its pre-quit level; concentration remains a problem, at only 50%; carpal tunnel syndrome incidence exceeds all known levels for any keyboard-intensive occupation; you have typed more words than are contained within all the works of William Shakespeare, but with more flair and "sparkle". After 6 months. You wonder why you ever waited this long to quit. It's way, way, worth it. KTQ Here are some tips for the newly quit: 1. Remove all firearms, ammunition, archery equipment, power tools, kitchen utensils, golf clubs or other dangerous items from your home. For their own protection, young children and incontinent pets should also be removed, it possible. 2. During the first 5-14 days of your quit, you will notice an improvement in your sense of smell. This change may be sudden and dramatic. You may want to avoid any areas known for strong odors during this time. You may also discover that your home is one of those areas. Allow 1-3 hours per day for scrubbing an obscure corner of your home in an effort to remove the mystery smell. 3. One effective technique for reducing stress is the recitation of a mantra. Your mantra for the next few weeks will be: "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I just quit smoking." 4. If you drink the recommended 8 glasses of water each day, you will need to remain within 150 feet of a lavatory during the first 3 weeks of your quit. 5. Many cessation experts recommend you keep a diary of your experience as you quit. A written record of your inability to control your emotions, words and actions may be useful later on during any criminal or civil proceedings. You may also want to discuss with your attorney which homicidal or other violent fantasies about your spouse, employer or local politician should not be recorded in that journal. 6. Many people find driving a car is a major trigger of smoking urges. If it is practical,Herbal cigarettes, you may want to consider using public transportation during the early part of your quit. If you must drive, carry gum, mints, cassette tapes of soothing music, a small rubber ball to squeeze in one hand, extra kleenex for crying jags, a roll of duct tape for swearing jags, and extra toll fare change in the event that your aim is effected by the spasmodic trembling in your hands. Again, all firearms should be removed from the vehicle. You may also want to keep your journal handy to hand to the highway patrol officer in the event of an accident or traffic offense, since uncontrollable sobbing may prevent you from speaking clearly at that moment. 7. Whatever you do, DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.