Stopped at the gas station this morning....

Yes,stop smoking now, I stopped at the gas station this morning, bought a pack, took one out and told the woman behind the counter to give the rest of the pack to the next poor sucker who comes in on a daily basis. Went back out to my car with the one that I kept, and when I went to light it, couldn't do it. Threw it out the window and drove to work. I hate myself right now. I wasted $5 on nothing, nothing that would have even made me feel any better. I didn't smoke it which is huge, I know that. But I was so close. The only thing that kept me from lighting up was the thought of my two little boys,Herbal cigarettes, and who would raise them if I die. #$%^^&!!!! I could scream right now. I am on day 20 and it feels harder now than day 10 did. I don't get why, it is supposed to get easier. Hubby told me (he is laid off right now) that he went to a bar for lunch yesterday with a friend, and was just fine, until he took a drink of his beer. Then he bummed one smoke, ate his food and knew he had to leave or he would have bought a pack. You have no idea how angry/jealous I was last night that he got to have one. What the heck is that? "got to have one". No. I should be feeling sorry for him that he caved and I didn't. But I wanted to cry "I want one too!!!!" Aaaahhh!!!!!Thank you for the vent....No one else truly understands.